I Got It

Dear Sweety,

Peace and blessings of God be upon you,

I have got a happy news. I got your photo. Thanks to my father-in-law for taking that valuable snap. May be God wanted me to wait for some reason. May be He found me steadfast and patient, and thought its time for me to have that photo. Anyways, I’m happy. Now I can sit and stare at those cute, beautiful but un-lively face of yours. And I got one of the clothes your Uppa bought for you. I have kept it with me, and its value in my life is more than anything else.

What more baby? I’m fasting, for the lost ones when you were there in my tummy. I never wanted to starve you, and so I left some of the days of Ramadan. I’m feeling a bit tired, but that’s ok. Do convey my regards to your friends over there.

Thats all for now.

With everyday remembrance, lots of love, kisses and hugs

With the hopes of seeing you soon,

Yours Umma.

With love, To You.

They say souls have mass,

I can never know about it.

But if you had a tiny mass,

I would have searched for it,

Day and night,

In heaven and earth.

Your thoughts gave me energy,

To live my life to full,

And so does your soul, now,

Asking me to go on.

I had a time when

Laughter shattered in my heart, always.

Music was there, all around me.

Dew drops adorned the dawn

While lullabies kissed the dusk good-bye.

 I cannot see the sky, studded with stars,

Nor the dreamy sunset, or the highland grass.

I have no  more tears now,

Nor can I feel the beauty around me,

For all have been lost and gone,

When you stepped out of my life.

Your New Cousin

Dear Hamdu Mon,

Peace and blessings of God be upon you.

Happy to inform you about the arrival of your new cousin, by elder brother’s second child, a baby girl. I wanted to share this news earlier, but the net connection here and  my time limit never allowed me to do so. Sorry for that.

I was the only girl in our family until now, but now there is a new heir to the girl post. But I’m happy. I have got someone for my experiments- putting up the hair, buying matching jewellery, experimenting with make up etc etc. In’t it great?

Ok, have you seen her? Here is her photo, sleeping peacefully as inside a cocoon.

Beautiful, isn’t it? May be not as beautiful as you, because I have heard children of heaven are the cutest, most beautiful and the most lovely. I wish you were here to see your cousin. You would have stretched your little hands to touch her, and wondered what her eyes are, the little black dots in the white background.

Don’t you want to hear what your elder cousin did? He opened her mouth with his little fingers ( and that too very fast, and opened it wide) and asked his Mom, “Mom, where is her teeth?”

When Mom explained to him that she had no teeth, he said, “Ayyee! Shame on her!”

We haven’t yet selected a name for her. I wish you were here to share these happy moments. Just my little never-going-to-come-true wish.

Thats all for now. You are always remembered.

With lots of kisses, hugs and love,

With the hopes of seeing you soon,

Your Umma.

Family

Dear Sweety,

Peace and blessings of God be upon you.

Sorry for not down anything for you. I used to go to bed with a heavy feeling in my heart every night, because I am not able to write anything to you. I have been busy these days, and the BSNL (the telecommunications provider) is as bad as it is, and I get the 24-hour network only for 2 or 3 hours a day. And sometimes, no internet connection at all for days. So writing down a post to you is very difficult. But I promise you I will try my maximum to keep touch with you.

Actually, its vacation now, for your Uppa, and we are here in India, your mother land. But vacation from work means busy time for me. Visiting relatives and friends, some of them in their death bed, some of them struggling with illness and old-age, and some of them fighting with the difficulties in life. I met this relative of mine, Haseena, who has lost her baby five days after delivery. May be you know him. He is there in paradise, with God. He is not more than 2 weeks old. Take care of him, and ask him not to worry, tell him his mother and family will be joining him soon.

Oooopsss! forgot to tell you something. I went to visit my friend Nishana, about whom I have told you in my earlier post, and she has delivered acute little daughter. Very beautiful girl. Can you see her from the heaven? I hope so.

We, your Umma and Uppa, are here at your Uppa’s home, with your paternal grandparents. Insha Allah, we will be going to my home day after tomorrow, to your maternal grandparents. And yeah, you are going to have another cousin soon, insha Allah. Your Aunt, Velliya Ammayee, is going to hospital for her delivery on Monday. Mazin, your elder cousin will be there at home. Your uncles, vellikkaka, Nasweefkaka,  cheriyakka, kunjakka ( my four brothers) and Nasweefkaka’s wife Hasna Ammayee will be also coming with in a week or two to home. It will be fun, a get together after a few months. But I’ll be missing you a lot. Hope you can see us from heaven and enjoy the scenes.

Well, will write to you again in a few days. Take care.

With lots of love, kisses and hugs,

With the hopes of seeing you soon,

Yours Umma.

Friends.

Dear Hamdu Mon,

Peace and blessings of God be upon you.

I wish I could’ve introduced you to all my friends and family. But God decided otherwise. May be He wanted me to tell you about my friends through this post. Friends are one of the biggest assets of our life. I am happy God has blessed me with a lot of them. Thank you God. What would have happened if I had no good friends t hold on to during tragic events like these? Doesn’t God love me a lot?

It was during and after my delivery, I thought of God’s love in another way. Most of us are afraid of God, afraid of hell and His punishments during the life after death. We are good believers or try to be good believers because we are afraid. Not because we love Him. I think there are only few people who really love God, and are believers because we love Him. I think the well known Malayalee writer, Kamala Surayya, is one of the few persons who loves God. Coincidently, she died a few days after God took you back from me. And that gave me some free and lonely moments to think about her, you and myself, which otherwise I would have never thought of.

Ooopsss. I started from friends and reached somewhere else. I got a lot of messages, calls and e-mails from friends after the shocking tragedy of your death. I wonder what would have been my days without those little notes of hope, love and prayers. Sometimes, when I feel lonely and upset, I read and re-read them. I feel a new ray of light shining upon me and a new fire of hope burning inside me. It is when we go through troubles that we come to know the real value of friends. We cannot always live with the family alone, we need friends from far and wide range to help us, and make us ourselves.

Before ending the note, let me tell you about some of my good friends, whose calls, sms or e-mails made my days brighter. There is Nishana – who was the first to sent a soothing sms, then Sahala – who made my belief in God stronger by saying that I am one of the selected ones, Sumi – who promised me she will pray for me till I have another baby. Sumi has introduced my blog to her friend Shubha, a new friend on my list of friends Thank you Shubha, for the comment. Shaheena, Jaseena and Jeena – who called me to tell they are there for me. And yeah, Nubila. She called me a few days after the delivery, and asked,

“Hey, what about the delivery, what kid is it?”

Think about the situation when I have to give a sad reply to such a happy question!! She was shocked. A lon long silence on the phone.

Another friend Ruby had also the same experience. Ruby’s sis Rahmath called me later. There is also Mirfath. She called me, we two talked for almost half an hour! Nubila, Ruby, Rahmatha and Mirfath are my high school friends.

Back in Dubai, Bushra called me some days ago. She was very supportive and she too have gone through a different but tragic event in her life. But now, she has pulled herself up and is going on smoothly.

There are also many friends whom I have never met. Salma is one of them. She had similar experience, and I think her son Hussein will be there with my boy, Hamdu Mon. Friends in Paradise. May God make all of us like them, Friends in Paradise.

Friends In Paradise

With lots of love, kisses and hugs,

With the hopes of seeing you soon,

Your Umma.

Baby Shops.

Dear Sweety Hamdu Mon,

Peace and blessings of God be upon you.

The other day we went to a baby shop to look for dresses for your cousin, Zahra. I felt very very sad when I saw all that dresses I could have bought for you if you were here with me. I really felt heart broken. There were so many cute little dresses to select from, and mothers are busy taking dresses for the eid. Beautiful fine clothes for a prince. Baby bottles. Toys. Napkins. Some of them must have been yours. Isn’t it? I dread going to baby shops now. I miss you so much when I’m there.

Yeah, I know that you have better things to live with. Better clothes made from the finest of silks. Golden baby bottles and the sweetest milk. Toys that no one has ever seen or heard of. And you will be a lot more happier there than you are here. You will be the happiest person there. Are you missing you Umma there? I know you will be missing me a lot, and you will be asking God to bring me near to you.

God is great. Greatest of everything you or I can imagine of. And His love for His creatures have no limit. I’m happy for you because you have reached near Him so fast. I would also like to reach there, near my Master’s side, and also near to you.

Please pray for me.

With lots of love, kisses and hugs,

With the hopes of seeing you soon,

Yours Umma.

Third Letter

Dear cuty Hamdu Mon,

Peace and blessings of God be upon you.

Sorry for the long absence. I never got a space to write for you in the group of friends and relatives, during the days of eid. It is today, after the 27th day of fasting, that I sit lonely at my home, with my laptop. But don’t ever think that I forgot you, actually I was feeling very sad all day ‘cos I cannot get to you. I was afraid if you would misunderstand me, or if you would think that I completely forgot you. I don’t know how you feel. Let me say you that you are always remembered and loved from the bottom of my heart.

How was your eid son? Hope you enjoyed your first eid up to the maximum, with God, angels and kids of your age there for you. Did you miss your Umma? I missed you a lot. I wanted to bath you in the morning, dress you in beautiful new clothes and take you to the mosque. But I couldn’t do anything. I felt a lot of pain, and it was more hurting that I had none to share my feelings. In the evening, we went to the beach. It was beautiful. Didn’t I tell you about the sea and the beach when you were in my womb? I wanted to show you, the lovely creations of God. But God decided otherwise. You are lucky to see a more beautiful place than earth. Will you remember me when you see the lovely things in heaven? Remember me when you find a piece of beauty, a piece of art and a piece of love. For beauty, art and love are the greatest blessing of God meant only for the humans.

Will reach to you again later with notes of love and poetry.

Love you

With lots of hugs, kisses and love,

With the hope of seeing you soon,

Your Umma.

Second Letter

Dear Hamdu Mon,

Peace and blessings of Allah be upon you.

We love you

This is the eve of 25th day of Ramadan. Everyone are busy doing Ibaadaths, trying to get Heaven. Aren’t you happy that ou are already there, while we people still struggle to get it, at least a glimpse of it? Your Uppa is praying right now. And I’m here, chatting with you. Can you see us from there? A big hug and sweet kiss for you. Are you wondering why Uppa is not writing anything for you? May be he, your Uppa, is not as insane as I am. Your Umma is all Nuts!! Or may be he will be also talking to you. Like me. I never told him about this blog. I don’t know why I didn’t tell him. May be sometimes later, I’ll tell him. He might be also talking to you, without informing me. Isn’t he?

So today you completed your fourth month, right? I wish I could see you. Have started crawling on your stomach? May be that’s too early. You will be lying flat on your stomach, isn’t it? With head held high, trying to crawl on your belly, wanting to catch the items you see infront of you. Do you know, I dread going to baby shops. Seeing dresses and toys that might have been yours… I feel very sad. When can I buy those things for you? Insha Allah, once when I reach heaven, I’ll get you even better things. Do pray for us, your Umma and Uppa. Ask Allah to bring us near to you soon.

Let me stop now. Will write to you again later. You are always remembered by us and there is no one or nothing in the world that can be exchanged for you. We love you so much.

Lots of love, hugs and kisses,

with the hope of seeing you soon,

Wassalam,

Your Umma.

First Letter

Dear Hamdu Mon,

Assalamu alaikum warahmathullahi wabarakathuhu.

Toys for You

Let me guess what you are doing now. Playing? There will be a lot of friends for you, right? Did you find Hussein there? Hussein is one month younger to you, who reached heaven the same way you reached there. His Mom is now my sis in Islam. We talk a lot about both of you. It was his Mom who gave me the idea of writing notes to you. We, his mom and I, are thousands of miles apart. We haven’t seen each other, or talked. But we are very close. Because we love each other for the sake of Allah, and our sons are with Him.

Toys for you

We are going through the month of Ramadan right now. The doors of heaven are open for the fasting muslims during this month. Did you see the doors of heaven? How lucky of you to see Allah! I’m happy for you. And happy to know that you are there to recommend your Umma, me, and Uppa, your father, to heaven. You are a beautiful kid, growing into a handsome young man. Drinking from the rivers of milk and honey.

Yesterday was our 4th wedding anniversary. Wish you were here, to share the happiness. But Allah has decided otherwise, and I’m sure His decisions are the best. It has been four years since your Umma and Uppa started sharing their lives. Coincidently, it been four months since you came along to our life. Four years and four months!!! You have been remembered everyday of this four months, and you will be remembered always. You are my first son, to call me Umma, although I cannot hear it this far on earth. You are my son in heaven, to recommend me to heaven. You are my son, whom Allah took back because He loves me a lot and want me to get to heaven easier. You are my son who made my faith in Allah stronger. You taught me a lot about faith in Allah, family relashionships, friendships. You are my precious little kid. I love you so much.

Will write to you again later. Some small notes.

With love, kisses and hugs,

With hopes of seeing you sooner,

Your Umma.

Wassalam.